


There's No Way Out Of Here

by KB9VCN



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Gen, Humor, One Shot, horror?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-08-31
Updated: 2002-08-31
Packaged: 2018-09-02 19:34:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8680684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KB9VCN/pseuds/KB9VCN
Summary: Written August 2002; horror?/humor; about 1000 words.
This takes place immediately after The Armageddon Factor, with the Fourth Doctor and Romana-I.
See also "There's No Way Out Of Here" as by David Gilmour.
This contains brief violence and weird humor.  Reader discretion is advised.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written August 2002; horror?/humor; about 1000 words.
> 
> This takes place immediately after _The Armageddon Factor_ , with the Fourth Doctor and Romana-I.
> 
> See also "[There's No Way Out Of Here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6G4wM92no3E)" as by David Gilmour.
> 
> This contains brief violence and weird humor. Reader discretion is advised.

**Day 1**

I found this empty five-hundred-year diary in my pocket, and I decided to start recording a journal, to help me keep track of where I've been.

I just built that randomizer, so that the Black Guardian wouldn't be able to find us. But it's been awhile since I worked with randomizers, and I must have plugged the silly thing into the console wrong. Besides randomizing flight coordinates, it's also randomizing the interior architecture of the TARDIS.

As if the interior architecture weren't random enough as it was.

I left the console room to fetch the magnetic clamp, and now... I'm lost inside my own TARDIS.

I hope I find the console room soon. If Romana finds out, I'll never hear the end of it.

—

**Day 3**

All of the corridors that I've been in the past two or three days have a layer of dust a centimeter thick on the floor.

This is not encouraging.

—

**Day 5**

I opened a roundel, and I was trying to cross some cables in the wall and short out the randomizer remotely.

But then, the interior randomized again, and the wall vanished— and it nearly took my head with it. Whew.

—

**Day 7**

I just found a food service machine. Good thing, that. I'd just run out of jelly babies and ginger beer.

Unfortunately, I celebrated with several bottles of ginger beer, and now I'm desperate to find a bathroom.

—

**Day 10**

Well, I was hoping that I wouldn't have had to take this step.

I've begun unravelling my scarf.

I've used up half the yarn, and I haven't crossed my path yet.

—

**Day 11**

I came to the end of the yarn in my scarf— just as I found the first end again.

And my path had changed. The first end only ran about ten meters before it disappeared into a dead-end wall.

Beating my head against the wall failed to move it. But it had changed again by the time I regained consciousness.

—

**Day 13**

I found a box, mounted on the wall, with a darkened glass face and a sign that read "In Case Of Emergency, Break Glass."

This isn't exactly an emergency, but I'd forgotten what they put in those boxes, so I broke the glass and looked inside.

It was a glass repair kit.

I took great satisfaction in smashing it to pieces.

—

**Day 15**

I found the secondary console room. I tried to page Romana, but we must have left the speaker disconnected in the primary console room.

Then I tried to force the secondary console room doors open, but Romana must have taken that for a malfunction, and she disabled the secondary console room, from the primary console room.

I'll never know how I summoned enough self-control to keep from breaking out every stained glass in the secondary console room.

—

**Day 19**

I found an extra K9 kit in one of the storage rooms. Wonderful, I thought. K9 ought to be able to help me find the console room.

I spent two or three days assembling it.

Then I spent another two or three days looking for a power outlet to plug it in and charge its battery.

After not finding a power outlet, I spent two or three hours kicking the extra K9 kit back to pieces.

—

**Day 22**

I came across the swimming pool a couple of days ago. I needed some relaxation, so I went for a swim.

But when I climbed out of the pool, the changing rooms were gone. And when I turned around again, the pool was gone.

Luckily, I found the changing rooms again the next day. Being lost is bad enough, but being lost and naked was humiliating beyond words.

—

**Day 24**

I made the mistake of falling asleep.

When I woke up, I was trapped in a section of hallway with no doors. And it's only about twenty meters long.

I hope the walls change again before I run out of air.

—

**Day 26**

There are three thousand one hundred and forty-one roundels in the wall between auxiliary storage rooms 2B and 2C.

I counted them. Twice.

—

**Day 27**

The walls changed again. There are now two thousand six hundred and sixty-two roundels in the wall between auxiliary storage rooms 2B and 2C.

I counted them. Three times.

—

**Day 30**

I seem to have spent the past few days sitting slumped against a wall, staring at my left hand.

I was vaguely troubled by this, so I decided to stare at my right hand for the next few days instead.

—

**Day 33**

The roundels are mocking me.

They think I can't hear them. But I can. Oh, I can hear them. I can hear the voices, mocking me.

But I'll show them. Oh, I'll show them all.

—

**Day 35**

[All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Shining_%28film%29)   
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.   
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.   
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.   
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.   
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

—

Romana re-entered the primary console room, from the outside, and closed the TARDIS doors and dematerialized the TARDIS.

At the same time, the Doctor stumbled into the console room.

"Doctor?" asked Romana. "Where have you been? The randomizer brought us to the Eye of Orion, of all places. I've just had the most relaxing month. I'm sorry, but I finally got bored, waiting for you, and we've just left..."

Then she grinned. "Oh, you didn't find the magnetic clamp, did you? I'm sorry. It was here, in the bottom of the tool kit bag, the whole time. Do *I* feel silly!"

And then, she frowned. "Doctor? Are you alright?... Oh, you just want a hug. It's alright... Um, Doctor? Your hands are around my neck, and... * _ack_ *... * _ack_ *..."


End file.
